Thursday, April 29, 2010

Pat Condell – Another False Internet Messiah




I have just received yet another email from a friend who felt it important to send to all her contacts, a link to another Pat Condell video blog where he talks with great eloquence and humour about the dangers of Islam and Anti-Semitism.

I can understand why Jews are so taken with him. Jews, fed up with the relentless anti-Zionism and Anti-Semitism of the media and scared of the Islamic takeover of Europe due to Europeans straight jacketing themselves into appeasement because of Political Correctness, see Pat Condell as their saviour.

Pat Condell, the atheist messiah, speaks out against Islam, Catholicism and the sickness of PCism. However, although he doesn't come out and say it out right, he is also anti-Jewish. He often speaks out against the anti-Semitism of the Catholics and Muslims but never mentions the anti-Semitism of the Communists for instance. Many Jews view him as their knight in shining armour, lapping up and accepting without question whatever comes out of his witty mouth but they refuse to see all the danger signs that he is apposed to any national or religious rights for the Jewish People. Pat in fact hates anyone who believes in G-d and that includes Torah Jews.

At the end of a monologue against the Catholic church where he quite rightly identified the church as laying the ground work for the Shoah and accusing the Catholic Church of systematic hatred against Jews for 2,000 years, he then went on to say that without the Catholic Church, there would have been no Holocaust and therefore no State of Israel and therefore, no Middle East Conflict.

All those Jews who keep sending links to all their contacts, starry eyed at this man's eloquence to speak out against the terrorism of Islam and corruption of the Catholic Church may not have stopped to think what Pat actually said. He blames Zionism and the establishment of the State of Israel for the Middle East conflict! He would rather there would not have been a state. In his mind, the Jews should have continued living in Europe, gradually discarding their "primitive" religion and transforming into a purely cultural group totally secular freedom loving Atheists, discarding any belief in HaKodesh Baruch Hu, the revelation at Sinai, Torah, peoplehood and Jewish national identity.

It is not the first time that Jewish blogs, even religious Jewish blogs have put their faith in false Internet messiahs who appear to be the saviour of the Jews against so much Anti-Semitism in the Blogosphere and the World Wide Web in general.



The best example is that of the (in)famous Charles Johnson of the website Little Green Footballs. For years, his site was read and admired by practically the entire Jewish Internet community, including the religious because of his expose of Islamic fascism, Islamic support of terrorism and general anti-Semitism of the world's media. He wrote in glowing terms about Israel and Zionism as well. Then one day, in 2007, Charles started writing about those who oppose Darwinism and became increasingly anti-religious, not just Xtian or Muslim but against any faith in G-d at all. To him, anyone who believed in G-d and refused to accept the "scientific fact" of Darwinism was no better than a terrorist. Melanie Phillips, the Jewish and Zionist British journalist, so long a fellow soldier against Islamo Fascism, standing shoulder to shoulder with Charles, was viciously attacked by him when she wrote that Darwin theory was just that! - a Theory and like all theories, it can be argued and debated. Charles with the zealoutry of those Islamic mullahs who he so opposed, struck out against everyone who did not unquestionably believe in Darwinism.

Within weeks he started questioning the very basis of Islam being a threat to democracy, freedom of speech and human rights and accused most of the blogs that spoke out against Islamo fascism, to which he was their guru and inspiration, as being secretly in league with Nazis and Fascists.

Jews who had followed his Blog religiously on a daily basis for years, who would not form an opinion on any matter until they had read what their hero Charles had to say on the matter, refused to believe their eyes and went into denial for months when Charles made an abrupt about face.

I'm afraid that they are making the same mistake when it comes to Pat Condell. It will all end in tears, mark my words.

Ain li lismoch chutzmi Hakodesh BoruchHu veTorahto

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My newly bought Mazda MPV is sick *** UPDATED ***

*** UPDATE AT END***


I did everything possible to avoid this. I spoke to the original owners. I paid to have a test done with a place that had a license with Misrad Hatachbora. I asked a mechanic recommended by the dealer in Tel Aviv, to look at the report who said that according to the report the car just needed a tipul (a service). I spoke to the mechanic who had been looking after the car in Tel Aviv for the past year who told me that the car was fine. I drove the car from Tel Aviv back home via the Modiin road and was very impressed by its power, smoothness and quietness. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing wrong with the car at all.

I took it the very next day into the Mazda garage in Yerushalayim to have a tipul (service) and they phoned me up after 5 hours and told me the bad news. There was something seriously wrong with the engine. One cylinder was completely dead and the compressors were all shot. Half the engine has to be replaced and it's going to cost me an awful lot of money. We are talking a number in five figures.

I went to see the car. It was connected to a load of computers and cables and looked like it was on a life support system. They told me that they'd start working on the engine tomorrow. Be'ezras Hashem it will be ready on Sunday afternoon.

Did the seller know about this? I don't know. I haven't spoken to him yet. I'm waiting to know exactly how much this is going to cost me and then I'll phone him and politely suggest he pay half the cost of the repair. Do I think he will? No, but it is worth a phone call.

The thing that obviously bothers me is that that so called professional test paid for last Thursday, turned out to be worthless or even a total lie! The Mazda garage in Yerushalayim told me that there was no way they could not have known that there was a serious problem. They pointed out that nowhere on the report did they comment on either the cylinders or compressors. Although there are no standards as to what they should and should not mention on the report, the Mazda garage found it very odd that they had not mentioned these things. To them it was obvious that the car had a serious problem. Instead the test place in Tel Aviv told me verbally that the engine was fine. Were they in cahoots with the car dealer I bought the car from? Probably but I'll never prove it. The only thing I can do is to send them a legal letter challenging them on their report and seeing what happens.

The main thing is that on Sunday afternoon I will Be'ezras Hashem drive home with a fully working reliable car which won't see the inside of a garage until next years's tipul!

Any good lawyers out there?


*** UPDATE ***

OK, It's taken a week but Baruch Hashem I have the car back now. It cost me almost NIS 12,000 to get the car road worthy.

My advice to anyone who is buying a second hand car in Israel is:

1.  If at all possible, buy from a private person and avoid dealers. This is harder than you think because many dealers (including the one I bought my car from) pretent to be a private seller.

2. Find a mechanic who knows the model you want to buy and who is recommended by friends and pay him say between NIS 500 and NIS 1,000 to come with you when you inspect the car. I thought it was just Tel Aviv but a few days ago I spoke to a friend of a friend who told me almost the same story as mine. He had found a car that he liked and taken the car to a major test place in Yerushalayim. They gave it a clean bill of health. However the buyer saw the mechanic talking to the dealer so he took the report to a recommended mechanic who went to the test place and went through everything which they had written. Aftewards, the mechanic told the buyer that the test place was intentionally hiding a major problem with the engine and not to buy the car. They had mazal!

3. Don't bother with these car tests. They are worthless. If you cannot find a mechanic then insist that the seller drives the car to an officially recognised garage for that car (it is called a "musach murshar") and get them to test the car. As they will want to get money fixing the car, you might find that they'll give you a report which will point out minor faults with the car. However, I think that this is better than a report that neglects to tell you when half the engine is burnt out!

Monday, April 26, 2010

I bought a Mazda MPV

MAZAL TOV MAZAL TOV MAZAL TOV

After two months of searching, I finally found a car in good condition within my budget.

I bought a silver Mazda MPV 2003 yesterday.

We are all really happy with it!
It's a dream come true to buy a car that all the family can go out in.

I had to go to Tel Aviv to find one in good condition. I suffered through all the games of the Yafo dealers there but is was worth it.

It drive's beautifully.


I took the family out for a celebratory meal at Malcha Canyon last night.
It's the first time the whole family has gone out together since we hired a 7 seater in Britain last year.
It's the first time the whole family has gone out together in Israel since our youngest was born 8 years ago.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

When an Anti-Virus can cause more damage than a Virus

You would think that when I tell you that a tiny script, downloaded from the Internet yesterday, has destroyed thousands, possibly tens of thousands of Windows PCs, you'd think I was talking about a virus. Ironically, it was actually an automatic update for McAfee Antivirus they sent out yesterday morning.

It apparently deleted major Windows system files, disabled the network and caused a continuous restart loop. Initial press statements by the company that the damaged PCs could be repaired by manually copying the svchost.exe file from another computer, proved to be wishfull thinking. The "update" caused a lot more damage than that!
This update has knocked out whole factories and even some major hospitals. Only time will tell exactly how much damage this "update" has caused.

I am not a fan of Automatic Updates. I disable them all using WinPatrol except that is for Microsoft and Antivirus updates. You always run the risk that if you don't keep Windows or your antivirus up to date then you leave yourself open to all the latest threat. However, after this, I might be changing my policy even for these updates.

WinPatrol is an excellent anti-spyware and general Windows System tool but you cannot just install and leave it to get on with the job. You should take some time to learn what it does in order to take control of your Windows PC. It's worth the effort getting to know Scotty the dog.




One of the most annoying Automatic Updates that keeps popping up is Acrobat Reader. Not only does it survive normal attempts to kill it but almost every update demands a Windows Restart!


Why would a puny little PDF reader tool need a System Restart? That question itself makes me worry what Acrobat are doing to my PCs so that's why its Updates go on permanent Disable. There are too many updates that insist on a Windows Restart. This is one of the most anoying things about Windows in general.


The only similar incident to McAfee I experienced was a few years ago when I was using Zone Alarm Security Suit, consisting of their Firewall and Anti-Virus. One morning it automatically updated its Firewall that destroyed all my Firewall open/close port settings, causing my downloads and online utils to stop working. The "new improved" antivirus kept crashing every few hours. After numerous posts to their forum site, treating me like an idiot and telling me to do stupid things, I uninstalled the rubbish. It's a classic lesson on how to take, what was a popular reliable application and completely ruin it!



It was at that point that I gave AVG Free Antivirus a try. I've been using them ever since. BTW, I would not recommend their paid version (sorry chaps) as it comes with a firewall that is appalling.

There is a far more flexible and sophisticated firewall available called Online Armor and it also happens to be free!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Google celebrates Yom Ha'atzmaut

Interesting that Google Israel is celebrating Yom Ha'atzmaut in all three languages.


So why remove the Yorzite candle from the Arabic page for Yom HaShoah?

Monday, April 19, 2010

"Doctor in the House" used as an historical source


Being in bed sick for the past week, I was listening to LBC (London Talkback) radio over the Internet one afternoon when they were talking about the choice between a woman giving birth at home or in the hospital. Unsurprisingly the presenter, Jeni Barnett was all in favour of home births. In fact at one stage she mentioned that she simply could not understand why the British National health Service began the policy whereby it insisted that births take place in the hospital.


Jeni, being born in 1949, might have been having (as my parent's like saying a lot), "a senior moment" and she obviously had forgotten what life was like in the East End of London in the 1940s and 1950s. I don't actually remember first hand but I've seen plenty of films from that time to give me a pretty good idea.



By coincidence, that very day, a book of comedy sketches from a pile of books my wife had recently sorted out over Pesach caught my eye. I remember reading this book some 25 years ago. Flicking through it, one chapter caught my eye.

It was an excerpt from the book "Doctor in the House" 1952 by Richard Gordon where he describes the events that took place when, as a junior doctor; he was on night call at St Swithin's NHS hospital. He was awoken at 4:00am and told to rush to a home to supervise the delivery of a baby.










It was a tall, dead-looking tenement forever saturated with the smells of brewing ad shunting. I banged on the knocker and waited.

A thin female child of about five opened the door.
'I'm the doctor,' I announced.

The arrival of the obstetrician in such a briskly multiplying area caused no more stir than the visit of the milkman.
'Upstairs, mate,' she said and scuttled away into the darkness like a rat.
The house breathed the sweet stench of bed-bugs; inside it was dark, wet and rotting. I fumbled my way to the stairs and creaked upwards. On the second floor a door opened a foot, a face peered through, and as the shaft of light caught me it was slammed shut. It was on the fifth and top floor that the accouchement seemed to be taking place, as there was noise and light coming from under one of the doors. I pushed it open and lumbered in.
'Don't worry!' I said. 'I have come.'
I took a look round the room. It wasn't small, but a lot was going on in it. In the centre, three or four children were fighting on the pockmarked linoleum for possession of their plaything, a piece of boxwood with a nail through it. A fat woman was unconcernedly making a cup of tea on a gas-ring in one corner, and in the other a girl of about seventeen with long yellow hair was reading last Sunday's News of the World. A cat, sympathetic to the excited atmosphere, leapt hysterically among the children. Behind the door was a bed beside which was grandma--who always appears on these occasions, irrespective of the social standing of the participants. Grandma was giving encouragement tempered with warning to the mother, a thin, pale, fragile woman on the bed, and it was obvious that the affair had advanced alarmingly. A tightly-packed fire roared in the grate and above the mantelpiece Field-Marshal Montgomery, of all people, looked at the scene quizzically.

'Her time is near, doctor,' said grandma with satisfaction.
'You have no need to worry any longer, missus,' I said brightly.
I dropped the kit on the floor and removed my duffle coat, which wept dirty streams on to the lino. The first step was to get elbow room and clear out the non-playing members of the team.
'Who are you?' I asked the woman making tea.
'From next door,' she replied. 'I thought she'd like a cup of tea, poor thing.'
'I want some hot water,' I said sternly. 'Lots of hot water. Fill basins with it. Or anything you like. Now you all go off and make me some hot water. Take the children as well. Isn't it past their bedtime?'
'They sleep in 'ere, doctor,' said grandma."

Despite being a comedy, I believe that the living conditions he describes in the book are pretty accurate. Reading his account it seems clear to me why the NHS pushed for hospital births only policy back in the early 1950s.

Lest you think that I am nostalgic for the NHS in Britain, I remember my uncle telling me, the last time I was in England that it took him 7 days to see his family doctor when he was suffering with the flu. This is despite the fact that he is in his 90s and ought to be given preferential treatment. I told him with some satisfaction that in Israel, you could receive an appointment for a family doctor on the same day you call some 90% of the time.

In another strange coincidence, when I phoned to make an appointment at my local "Kupat Cholim" I was given an appointment with a doctor who had only recently made aliyah from England. When I introduced myself as originally from Woodford Green, he preceded to inform me, with a large grin, that he had been a junior doctor at King George hospital only a few miles from where I grew up. He made me strip to the waist and commented on my large appendix scar.

I was happy to tell him that I had received this at none other than King Georges. I related how, at the age of 10, my parents rushed me into the emergency ward of King George one Sunday, having forgotten that they had closed their emergency ward down due to government cuts only the week before. (It must have been 1974). As an official was explaining that they would have to take me to Whipps Cross I very obligingly through up all over him. He considered this event sufficient to ask a doctor to examine me whereupon I was placed on a trolley and taken (as far as I can remember) straight into surgery.

I remember being woken up to the sickly smell of fried bacon and the terrible pain of fresh stitches in my groin.

If that wasn't bad enough, Tony Blackburn of Radio 1 was sticking a microphone in my face and asking me if I snored. (He was recording for a radio programme later that day).



The Kupat Cholim doctor assured me that the emergency ward was now open once again for business at King George. I seem to remember that the King George I was in, was on the main road to Romford, very near Newbury Park Tube Station and was a very old looking building. As far as I recall, it was demolished or sold off for flats sometime in the 1980s. He must be talking about a new King George in the same area? When I did a Google on the place it seems as if my assumption was correct. King George today is a modern looking red brick teaching hospital. I noticed that the Google results returned numerous entries on the subject of the campaign to save the hospital from closure. It seems that some things never change when it comes to the NHS.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Google Home page for Israel - Yom HaShoah SCANDAL!

Today is Yom HaShoah.

See if you can spot the difference between today's Hebrew, English and Arabic versions of Google Home page from their Israel site - http://www.google.co.il/ ?

The Hebrew version:



The English Version:

And now the Arabic Version:

Notice something missing in the Arabic version?
I'll make it easy for you.
If you put your mouse on the candle you get the text label:
"יום הזיכרון לשואה ולגבורה"
There is a Holocaust Memorial Candle on Israel's Google Home Page. Except that is, if you are an Arab Israeli. In that case, according to Google Israel at least, you can ignore this National day of mourning.

Disgusting!

Here's the HTML code missing from the Arabic version:

http://www.google.com/images/holocaust-42.gif" alt="יום הזיכרון לשואה ולגבורה" title="יום הזיכרון לשואה
ולגבורה"

It's just gone 10:00am and the sirens have sounded throughout Israel. While standing in silence, I was looking towards the Central bus Station in Yerushalayim and watching all the Arabs walk by as if nothing was happening. The JCB diggers continued working on the Light Rail Way.

Film Review: "The Lucky Star" 1980



As it's Yom HaShoah today I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk about one of the best Holocaust films I have ever seen, suitable for all ages but especially good for children as it shows no explicit scenes of gore that would frighten children. Nevertheless, the film transmits an exceptionally powerful and haunting message that has certainly left an impression upon me, even after all these years.

The film stars Brett Marx as a Dutch teenager called David Goldberg who is obsessed with the American Wild West, and Rod Steiger who plays a German colonel named "Gluck".

Now bear in mind that this review is based on my memory from about 25 years ago so forgive me if I have some details wrong.

The Germans invade Holland. We first see David in his attic bedroom full of American Wild West film posters. He is wearing a cowboy hat and has toy cowboy guns in his hands, play shooting at an imaginary enemy. We here screams from down stairs and sounds of boots running up the stairs. David escapes through the window and runs over the Dutch rooftops. Eventually he escapes to the countryside and makes his way to a small village where he helps out in a local farm. The whole village knows that he is Jewish (I'm not sure how) and when the Germans come they insist that all Jews wear the Yellow star.

The mayor of the village calls David into his office and with trepidation and shame, asks David to wear this yellow star on his chest. David looks at the star and within his fantasy world, understands that the town has just made him sheriff! He walks out wearing the star with pride. The next stage is to find himself a sheriff's office and Jail and after that, to find himself a real outlaw to lock up! Obviously it will have to be the leader of the gang of outlaws in the town and that would be colonel Gluck, head of German forces in that area.

Through a daring and naïve plan, David succeeds in capturing the colonel and puts him in jail. So begins a series of conversations between a German officer and a Jewish boy. After the initial fruitless threats, Gluck soon realises that it will do no good as David is completely immersed within his fantasy world and believes that he really is the sheriff with a criminal in his jail. The conversations that entail on morality are surreal yet sobering for the officer who gradually comes to realise that he is in fact a murderer and a criminal. Who is really living a fantasy?
I won't spoil the film for anyone who might get to see it in the future but I will say that like all good cowboy films, it ends with a dramatic one on one gun fight.

The only review I found on the Internet was a New York Times article from 1982 where the reviewer completely slates it. Her major critizism revolves around the confusion as to whether the film is supposed to be a Holocaust drama, a comedy or a musical. I actually don't remember the songs in the film but I trust the reviewer when she says that there were.

Sadly the film is completely unavailable today on any format. Doing a search on Amazon or IMDB sites have no links to where one can purchase this film. I used to have a VHS copy of the film which I recorded in the mid 1980s when it was shown on British Television. (I cannot remember the channel). I donated the tape to the Jewish Video Library in Balfour House in London. I assume they still have it somewhere (?)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

A Call From Long island. (Comedy)

When I was a kid, I remember my Mum mentioning this comedy sketch and saying how funny it was. Well, with not much to go on, I mananged to find it on YouTube and here it is!

Mum! This is for you! ENJOY!

Love Reb Mordechai Writes






BTW, It's funny how the Ivrit subtitles mistranslate the telephone number. Instead of Tremont (Long Island), it's translated as "39".

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The secret to Ashkenazi Jewish Cooking

There is a famous story in the Gemara which only appears in the Talmud Babli (Mesechet Baba Meisa, Seder:Bedicha) that states: A Balaas Tshuva (newly religious) girl went and asked the famous Rebbetzen Netta Shamei to explain the secret of Heimisha Ashkenazi Jewish cooking whilst standing on one leg. The Rebbetzen who was doing shiputzim on her new split basari/chalavi/parave kitchen at the time and had no time for the girl's narishkite, chased her out with a wooden spoon. Undaunted, the Baalas Tshuva went to see the equally famous Rebbetzen Brenna Hillel and asked her to explain the secret of Heimisha Ashkenazi Jewish cooking (whilst standing on one leg of course). The Rebbetzen smiled, sat her down and said "So, you want to know the secret to Ashkenazi Jewish cooking? Well she said, "it's three simple ingredients":



"Onions, Eggs and Matza meal,

the rest is embellishment, now go and learn!"

Stick this basic table guide on your fridge door:


Dish

Main Ingredient







Optional

Style















Kneidelach soup

Chicken necks

Onions

Eggs

Matza Meal

Carrots

Boiled

Meat balls

Chicken or Beef

Onions

Eggs

Matza Meal



Roasted or fried

Fish balls

Minced Fish or Tuna

Onions

Eggs

Matza Meal



Fried

Gefilta Fish

Minced Fish

Onions

Eggs

Matza Meal

Carrots

Boiled

Fried Fish

Fish pieces

Onions

Eggs

Matza Meal



Fried

Kuegal

Lochshan or Potatoes

Onions

Eggs

Matza Meal

Carrots (optional)

Boiled and Roasted

Chicken Stuffing

Apples, Nuts, Wine

Onions

Eggs

Matza Meal



Roasted

If anyone has more dishes to add to the table, please let me know.
Good Shabbos
Shabbat Shalom

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Windows 7 style gadgets for Windows XP

Many of you out there are still running Windows XP because either you (a) don't want to spend the money upgrading (b) your computer is not compatible with Windows 7 (c) you don't want the hassle of upgrading (d) other.

Still, you really like the look of Windows 7 don't you! Especially those gadgets like the clock, CPU and RAM meter and notes window.

Well, there are some nice programmers out there who have written Windows 7 gadget lookalikes for Windows XP and they are 100% free! I've been running these tools for some time now and have not detected any nasty surprises like toolbars, spyware or malware. They install flawlessly with no tricky questions. Highly recommended!


ClocX give you a beautiful looking analogue clock that sits on your desktop. You can add the option to display it "always on top" and modify its transparency effect. There are many different faces to choose from and you can modify the size of the clock to suit your taste.

Download ClocX here:



CPU and RAM Meter is a very nice RAM, CPU and UPTIME meter. It doesn't take up many resources and is actually very useful. It does lack any customization options though. I would have liked to for instance, removed the UPTIME clock or adjusted the size or colours. As they say, never look a gift horse in mouth. It does its job.

Download CPU Meter here:




Nargus DeskNote is a simple window that when not in focus, fades into the background so as not to interfere with the desktop display and when in focus shows up bright and clear so that you can jot down any kind of notes. No need to save any text. It is saved automatically. There are many customization options. It is becoming increasingly difficult to find on the Internet however and there hasn't been a new version for some time. Grab it while you still can.

Download Nargus DeskNote here:

A Dynamic Leil HaSeder


There is an article in today's Jerusalem Post by Heb Keinon entitled Pessah passages

He writes that he misses the enthusiasm of his kids when they were younger. How they needed to be dragged away from the biur chametz bonfire on Erev Pesach and now they can't wait to leave before the pitta has even turned brown. He writes how he misses the time when every question his kids asked at the Seder could be answered with "to get the children to ask questions". He complains that his Seder no longer holds the magic and wonder it once had.

Maybe I'm stating the obvious but perhaps Herb should think about changing his Seder by learning new persushim that will be sufficiently deep and insightful enough to bring that magic and wonder back? Isn't that the message of The Arba Banim (The Four Sons)? To adapt your commentary to the level of your children?

There is a difference between following the family minhagim of the Seder every year and not making the effort to make the Haggadah fresh, exciting and dynamic each year. The Seder should develop at the same rate as your kids do. This involves having to learn new perushim every year and buying a new Haggadah to gain different incites. Sometimes the "she aino yodaiah lishal" the son who does not know how to ask, is actually the cleverest one there. He doesn't ask any questions because he thinks he knows all the answers or even worse, he assumes that his father has no other answers other than the ones he gave last year and the year before, especially if the answer is "to get the kids to ask questions"! Yes, that is what Chaz"al say but that doesn't mean that this is the answer you give the kids. They need to be answered with something meaningful.

Instead of being melancholy for the simple no effort Seder you used to have with your young children, try next year to be excited about having to prepare a Seder which is at a higher learning level with deeper perushim.

Why not try giving your grown up kids sections of the Haggadah for them to prepare. You might be amazed what perushim they come up with.

This is exactly what we did this year at our Seder. I asked my grown up kids to choose at least two sections from the Haggadah, coordinating with themselves and I would fill in the gaps. The perushim were lively and full of discussion. I didn't leave our 9 year old out of the picture, making sure to tell him lots of Leil HaSeder stories and jokes. We didn't start eating the Motzi Matza until 12:30am and missed the time for Afikoman by about an hour and a half. Never mind, if the kids want to take their time then why rush through the Seder? Think about it. The mitzvah of "vehigaditah Levincha" is a mitzvah Deorisah where as eating that last piece of matzah before chatzos is a minhag.

Nothing I've said is anything new. In fact the Haggadah itself summarises everything I've said in one simple sentence:

וַאֲפִילוּ כֻּלָנוּ חֲכָמִים, כֻּלָנוּ נְבוֹנִים, כֻּלָנוּ זְקֵנִים, כֻּלָנוּ יוֹדְעִים אֶת הַתּוֹרָה, מִצְוָה עָלֵינוּ לְסַפֵּר בִּיצִיאַת מִצְרַיִם. וְכָל הַמַּרְבֶּה לְסַפֵּר בִּיצִיאַת מִצְרַיִם הֲרֵי זֶה מְשֻׁבָּח

"And even if all of us were wise, all men of understanding, all elderly, all of us knowing the Torah, there is still a Mitzvah upon us to tell about the Exodus from Egypt. And whoever elaborates on it is praiseworthy."